Seeking...

Still on the lookout for low-rent Adrian Brody in New York Metropolitan Area. I've seen plenty of high-rent versions of me on the streets of Manhattan and Brooklyn so it follows that there should be an Adrian Brody out there that I can afford. Don't hold out on me New York. All I'm asking for is a man with a giant, thrice broken, semitic nose, twice even would be fine.

I mean look at that thing...

The Art World

My rough thoughts on the art world as seen in New York, New York featuring Brooklyn and Chelsea galleries and The MOMA and Whitney Museums.

Installation Idea: Me belching in The Whitney Museum after eating a hotdog and ginger ale from the cart outside. Work in collaboration with man who enters sound installations and sneezes loudly. Status: ACCOMPLISHED!

Minimalist Scupture: Gag.

Video art: Woman wearing viking helmet and blonde braids with unexplained bloody nose wandering L.A. with camera person.

Spike Lee Hurricane Katrina documentary: moved me to the point of dropping my threshold for contemporary art to absolute zero.

...ability of abstract art to almost turn into something. Forms appear and recede coalesce into sense then break apart.

"Anarchist Collective" intervention in Chelsea Gallery looks strikingly similar to a gallery show. Anarchist artists all graduated from Harvard and now create art under the single name of an imaginary middle-aged Euro-American man. All pieces seem to be tuned to the pitch of "Kill your TV", says Maxwell Heller. I agree. Taking an antagonistic stance towards the perceived status-quo does not necessarily make your work interesting or edgy and yet the gallery was packed and overflowing. I have never seen so many attractive and artfully dressed people in one place in my life and wanted nothing to do with them as in, "I want to jump your bones so long as you don't talk."

Featuring:
Twenty-somethings dressed down to impress
Dripping hipness
Ironic asian bowl cut

I don't trust you (and your $$$)
Mutual judgement exchange
[these are real people, you realize that right Lindsey?]

Outsider art is where it's at. I have much to say on this topic. Can you imagine an artist, poet, musician who doesn't need you? Who's going to make what they make pretty much no matter what. Sure, there are problems here too but let's keep this in mind and discuss.

List 2: Maxwell Heller

List 2: The Powers of Obscure Super(heroes)(villains)

by Maxwell Heller

performs lightning-speed telekinetic mastectomies
dispells ownership disputes concerning grazing ungulates in foreign nations
relaxes facial features of the dead
reduces appearance of protruding ribs
enlists aid of all fur coats within 10 mile radius
reduces appearance of cock and balls in khaki pants
speaks every modern language at junior-college level
rearranges dinner party place-settings for optimal networking conditions
makes them eat cake
repurposes anything for pretty much whatever
immobilizes forces-on-the-move with carpet-bomb doses of French sentiment
removes discernable indicators
rearranges balls in tight pants
can see a flying bullet
speaks with uncanny eloquence about social implications of pretty much whatever
identifies trigger-events
repurposes anyone for pretty much anyone.

Pictures from Springfield, IL

Lindsey and Grandma Elsie


Lindsey and Grandma Elsie eat smokey sausage.


Grandpa Dave prepares to read "The Shooting of Dan McGrew" by Robert Service.

New York Hell of Town

So far so good.

I watched The Magnificent Seven the other night with my maternal grandparents, Elsie and Dave Harmon, in Springfield, IL before coming here to New York and gleaned this excellent anecdote:

Steve "Hunky-When-Young" McQueen's character says:

"Well, it's like the guy who fell off a 10 story building said on his way down, 'So far, so good.'"

New York's Stats so far:

Evening glow on buildings +1
Meatballs +1
Bizarro-clearly on Vicodin artist at opening of gallery show +1
Presence of Maxwell Heller +10
Promise of Poetry +5
Promise of college chums +2
Promise of amazing art +5
Adorable Maxwell grandmothers +1
Gefilte fisch -1


I'd say that's quite good for 1 day's worth. No pictures uploadable yet but stay tuned.

Best Poem in English- Brown, Bleeker, Boldt

--I interrupt my ongoing travel writings to bring you this gem of literature--

The Best Poem in English

by Brandon Brown, Andrew Bleeker and Lindsey Boldt

Cognac-face sipped from the wrong end. So much
For Chartreuse waders after eight o'clock,
they'll have to wait to chew up their squid lunch
And wait yet more to vomit in a sock

I goofed. Oops. My liver was made of trash.
My tennis racket smelled of kidney stew,
oops, I puked then birdied. Your hot mustache
combed the sand in my bunnker, and a blue

fog made my teeth break in my teeth. O tongue,
O tongue of tongues that tongues a tongue of brass
my dung-face rung the bells, sorry, bunk lungs,
My capillaries sickened of your sass.

Dang dude, I'm all up ons, but she's all nope.
but soft! my righteous hard-on's wiked dope.

3/28/08 -- Edinburgh Castle in San Francisco's Tenderloin

U.S. Tour!

Alright folks! As you may know I'm taking this show on the road. The show being myself, some stuff and this blog. Some might call it "The Greatest Show on Earth". Oh geeze.

I'm writing to you now from Chicago, Illinois: stop 1 on the tour. Score 1 for Chicago because I found a cafe with free wireless internet, whew! After a whole day and half at Gpa Boldt's house in Lombard with only an occasional whiff of wifi from a neighbor's house, it feels good to have access to the outside world. Spend more than a day with your grandparents and you WILL believe that time travel is possible. Welcome back to the time of doilies, fake plants, plastic covered furniture and racism! Still, there's nothing like the old fashioned kind of love. Family, that shit is strong stuff.

So, here's how Chicago scores so far:

Wifi +1
Public Transportation +1
Food 0 (unimpressed so far)
Grid System +1
Flatness +2
Brick +1
Sweet old Grandpas +5
Sweet old Grandpa hospitals -1
Promise of German food +1
Promise of Awesome art +2

I'd say that's pretty good so far. I haven't even been to The Art Institute yet. Today I plan to hit up Myopic Books and Intuit Art Gallery. More on that later.

So's you know, I'll be tracking most of my literary activities ie: readings, meetings with poets and publishers, my own writing etc. on a blog for SPD (Small Press Distribution) called Post SPD at www.spdadventures.blogspot.com. Check it out.

I best get going if I want to ACHIEVE great things today. Wish me luck.